Decisions

I look back at a decision that i made just a couple of months ago. i took a risk with my heart and now i see it was a risk i should not have made. I was getting close to a man i have always been close to.. But I chose to get into a relationnship with the other man that came into my life... Now looking back maybe i should have been there for the one that has always been there for me. after falling for the new guy, things were great. experienced feelings I never knew i could, and as fast as i fell, He dropped me. I called the one I knew. I wanted to see how he was. i hate to hear that he went through what he went through without me. but I am glad he is good now. but the phone call was awkward. He was with friends and it was like we havent talked in YEARS. not months. I can't help but wonder where i would be if i didnt take the chance with the new guy. if I had just kept dating the one that was there... my heart wouldnt have been broken, and I would possibly still be happy and still have the new guy as my best friend like he was. Perhaps they both would be here for me in a different light. You live and you learn right? But perhaps I missed out on the chance I was waiting for For the experience of my broken heart. Being Single now, once again, I know someone out there is waiting on me. Is thinking the same things I am. and i just hope i find him one day. Until then i will put my complete focus on my Son and school and work. I will build my life alone once again and go up from there.

Starting over (again)

I finally have my computer to where I can keep my blog up and running and Thank God because i need somewhere to vent...

So far this year i have been the happiest and the saddest in a few months... I dated a great guy... FAIL. It's not even worth explaining. But all thats left is to pick back up and go on with life. it seems that's what I am good at..

School is going well. I am loving the hands on stuff more than the initial paperwork stuff i actually started going to school for... I am thinking I may want to change my major to Full Medical assistant. i love helping people and being right there.. we will see how the shots thing goes before I do that..

Christian is 4... 4!!!! I can't believe how the time has flown by. he isnt a baby anymore... I know he will always be my baby but he is a kid now.. i don't know what to do about this... I can't make him stop growing or talking... or eating all of my food.

Life has taken such a weird turn for me. I'll be 25 this year and have been through so much already. I wonder if life will ever slow down and be a normal for me. but then again, what is normal these days?

After thee emotional toll this week has taken on me, I am taking my baby to the beach. He is the ONLY man i need by me to keep me happy and complete. and we are going to hang out with my friends... i hope all of them show up tomorrow. I know for sure i will have a couple of friends out there.. :) Should be a fun fun day. i can't wait. i need to be on the beach and enjoying life, not worrying about Love and the people who break promises.

i am still losing weight. i am on a lovely diet at the moment.. and i will be where i want to be one day. And in life in general.. I WILL BE WHERE I WANT TO BE. With or without certain people.

Welcome 2011.

I Found this picture because It reminds me of how I feel with the new year that is here. This is a new year, New beginnings, New Friends, New friendships with old friends and new relationships. I welcome 2011 with open arms.

On the way home from Picking up my son in Tuscaloosa today I was listening to music and doing A LOT of thinking. This weekend brought on a whole new way of thinking, and new connectons and new feelings. As I was riding in the back seat, Feeling like I was 16 again, I realized that the worst of my situation is behind me. It's not finished, No. But the worst is over. 2010 was a hard hard year. after my husband and I separated Thanksgiving of 2009, It made 2010 a HORRIBLE year. I didn't get anything accomplished but small steps, which are better than none I know BUT I felt most of 2010 was a dream. A bad dream.

As I Look into this new upcoming year I seen Great thinks happening, Great possibilities arising before they even get here. I am already In school. a Fast track program and I will be Graduation in september of this year. I want to try my best to Graduate with a 4.0. I Will bust my butt this year TRYING. and I Know I can.

My son will be 4 in March, I am looking into his preK School I want to put him in. and So by August he should be in school. :) My baby is growing up! He is so amazing to be and really is a special boy that had adjusted to the Chaotic year we had better than any 3 year old. I am so glad that I have a strong and Loving little boy who is loved by many many wonderful people!

This year i will Continue to Be healthy. I will Continue to workout and eat right and keep my goals up. I ahve Lost A LOT of weight already, But I still have more to go. At this point I am not searching for the prefect body. I am working to stay healthy. to get healthier. The Body is just the BONUS ;)

This year I will be more selective with whom I let into my life. This list includes family and friends. I have my support system and I have my Loving friends and family. I don't need any added drama or such in my life. especially if it does not concern me.

This year I will have MORE pride in myself. I will choose who and what and how and when. I will make the calls. I will be more independant and I will Stand on my own 2 feet with my son holding my hand next to me with my degree smiling at the world.

By the end of this year. I will be where I was suppose to be years ago. Only better.

Plain black and white truth

No Picture today. No fancy writing. Today I am Putting the plain black and white truth on this post.

I have a HUGE variety of friends and family. When you see me, I am myself no matter what. But I have this awesome personality that I can transform to the different crowd I am hanging with at the time. I have some friends that people are like "wow ya'll are that close?, But Ya'll are so different!" Yea I am the Woman that can get along with almost anyone. But Caution, That also means when I get mad, I Blow.

I am a Christian, No I am not perfect by no means. I have some things that I do in my life that may not be considered right. I try to live my life the way I think it needs to be lived. I have spent alot of my life holding back, and being held back and I refuse for anyone to judge me before walking a mile in my shoes of my life and what I have been through. I do not go to church as often as i should, But That is my problem. Yes I drink. I do not get completely trashed and I know how to control my alcohol. I dont drink to get hammered. I drink because I like the taste and it loosens me up alittle. Being an adult comes with learning how to control certain things in your life and I think I am doing a pretty dang good job if it.

As a Christian arent we suppose to love? Love with a open and non judging heart? Isn't the jusging suppose to be left up to God? I Think so. and Thats why I LOVE all of my friends. No matter what they do or don't do. If I don't agree with their lifestyle, They most likely know it and know that I do respect the decisions they make even if I Do not agree. Thats just me.

Before judging me and what I do and or have done, Please, Look in the mirror, evaluate yourself first, ask God if its your place.

I do my Best with the hand I have been delt. I am a FULL TIME MOTHER. Nothing comes above that. NOTHING. I am a FULL TIME STUDENT, I have to do this to survive and hkeep my FULL TIME MOTHER status (LOL) and I am a part time worker. I Love my Job. I am a Daughter, Grand-daughter, niece, aunt, sister and friend. I know my place. If you have any questions in this, Then please direct them somewhere else, Because as you can see from my titles above. I am quite busy in this short life.


T0- My Friends who have been here through everything, No matter what -

I want to thank you for understanding, and letting me be myself. I want to thank you for keeping me sain during this last year and any other time I have fallen from grace. Thank you for that drink you bought me to level me out, Thank you for putting up with my random ramblings about men and my problems with. all in all, Thank you for just associating yourself with me. Thats one of the hardest jobs EVER.

Back With A Passion.

I have been out of commission for over a year. This past year has brought so many different emotions. Sadness, Hatred, Love, Happiness, to even sorrow. This year has been a LONG one and I don't know where to start writing again. All I know is that I need to. This is my story and This is my Journey in this life. Writing is the one way I am able to get this out of my head, to really vent and understand what I am feeling. As I write and read it back to myself I see things that I didnt know or understand things I Didn't at one time.

There is a new me that has come out. Since I separated from my Husband Almost a year ago, I have delt with alot of things I didn't think i would ever have to deal with. I went from what looked like to everyone wlse having a pretty good life. I was a Stay at Home mom. I got to spend EVERY waking day with my son. I will not go into details of what happened and why, It does not matter. All I Know is I am happy to have myself back. Bigger (skinnier :P) and Better than before. I went from a Stay at Home mom to a part time job, that Luckily i can take my son with me, living with my parents and feeling like a 16 year old with a kid. I was lost. where do I go from here? I have no work history really? I was married for 5 years. 5YEARS. How do I survive on my own? how do I become a single mother?

This year I have struggled financially. So much, 15 hours a week isnt enough to survive, and didn't receive financial help from My ex until September. I have some how made it. My son is healthy and taken care of. Thats all that matters to me. My parents have been the biggest help. without them I would be homeless.

Here I am before you. Still struggling, still trying to find my place. I will. Things are coming my way that are going to be GREAT. Honestly, I will have to Trust in God to put me where I am suppose to be. to Guide me to the right place. No more pretending, No more looking happy when I am torn. and No more Feeling sorry for anyone. This is my story to tell and I will tell it as truthful as I can. Things are coming and I will be writing about them .

Upcoming: I start school Finally, This month. In a week actually. I am scared to death. But This is what I want and NEED to do.

My life is about to get Busy and chaotic. :) But I will survive and I will make my path.

You say "Bitch" Like it's a bad thing

It has been a long time since I have posted. I Know SAD. But really The reasoning behind it is that I am Finding out who I am. I am growing into myself and Where i belong. I am becoming who I am suppose to be. Yes I am a Mother of a GREAT Outgoing 2 and a half year old Boy. Yes I am a wife of a Hardworking Wonderful husband. But I have come to remember who I am and who I want to be. I am Tiffany Amber Plyler Gray Lewis.

Yes I Just Put Plyler in there. For one fact, I am who I am today because of My Biological father too. If Things Didn't play out Like they did, My mother wouldn't have learned how to be as strong as she is, I wouldn't have Learned from her how to survive without a man. ( Not dissing Brandon, But I never "needed" a man. Just wanted one ;) ) If he did Not leave I would not have known My Daddy. Hence the Gray name I legally kept to show him Respect. He is a lifesaver. He stepped in and Took me on as his own. I don't feel like I am treated the same as his kids sometimes recently, But I know he loves me and he just Doesn't know how to Let go and Let be.

There are some people in my life that have accepted me and some that haven't. The ones that have I Love dearly and i appreciate them.. The ones that have not. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. It use to bother me that I wasn't liked or accepted. Not that I would change who I was for them.. But I didn't like when people Didn't like me... Now, I don't care. I am fully 100% happy with that because if you don't like me, It's your problem not mine. I am who I am and I don't care what people think. If I want to Bitch about something by God I am going to and a FAIR WARNING: MY FILTER BETWEEN MY HEAD AND MY MOUTH IS SLOWLY DISSOLVING. So what comes up comes out. If you don't like it... I Don't care.. :) I will do what I want when I want with no one telling me they don't like it, I shouldn't do it for their own selfish reasons, Or I should do something I think I shouldn't. I am sick and tired of "protecting" other people so guess what? If you screw me over Ill screw you over twice. Hello I am Karma's sidekick.. We are both Bitches. No one will run over me anymore! I will not pretend to not do something around people. I am who I am.

I don't know.. I Like the new me.. I am getting more of what I want. I am thinking for myself and what I believe is right. With me Finding myself and being who I am, My Child will learn to be himself no matter what. That's What I want for him. It's been quite funny, I am quicker with my comebacks that are better then before. I Know where i stand now and STEP ASIDE. cause I am coming through. No one will take anything away from me. I am losing my weight and I am going to be happy with Myself for the rest of my life. No more pleasing for everyone else. IT'S MY TURN :)

So If you are offended by the word BITCH. You wont like me. :)

Its August. YEP

Things are Looking up so much. Brandon got his promotion! We have our house back with just US! It's amazing of how much work does into having ONE lazy brother living with you Just to keep your house clean, The Two year old isn't too hard to clean up after. He has a few toys and food here and there and that is it! The laundry has stayed done, The dishes are very few and I don't have to fight for hot water. I am Loving it! Brandon and I are FINALLY getting the things we want!

We just got a new Couch, It was given to us by one of Brandon's Co-Workers. Its Almost Exactly like I was looking for and wanted. It sets off our living room. Its a neutral Brown color and VERY comfortable. Our bedroom actually looks good now that we got the Decorative black out curtains. Slowly but surely the house is coming together to look like a Home.

We have decided to put off buying a house right now. We still have some stuff to take care of on his credit, I have a lot of letters to send out cause of some speculation in if these were even his or if they were even filed right. So we are working on that But When we buy a house we wont be able to Decorate how we would like So we are buying and fixing the house the way we want it. so That will be done Before we are strapped with a full house payment and I need a new car first. Mine is REALLY breaking down and It will be for the best. We couldn't be happier with this Decision. we are going to do this right.

Summer is coming to a close, Not weather wise because we know how Florida is, HA HA. BUT things are calming down. Now I am going to be getting together with some friends and Really Getting some relationships built down here. I need some more friends and some escapes.

and YES it is August, HURRICANE SEASON. and as of this morning, we finally have our first named storm for the season. Lets say a prayer together.

LORD, Please Do not Blow the Gulf coast off of the map this year. we like our home and Would really like to have something to live in by ourselves until we buy a house, then the insurance will help :) In Jesus' Name, Amen.